been slacking off with our art lately .. we try to spend time everyday with it as a job like anyother job . it's not being stuck in a dry zone , it's things have gotten busy with other needs being met .
we are simply waiting patiently for god to open up the best apt for all the diffrent needs it will have to contain ... art work space .... crafting space , hubby's space ect ... we simply don't want to hurry up and rush into a place that can't fit our needs ... we know from experence to wait for god's plans is the most important way to get what we really need and not simply settle for second rate junk ....
with my seasonal allergys acting up it's really exhausting and tend to sleep alot because breating seems so much easier ....last night just getting to sleep was hard . had alot of diffrent things to sort out and process . some fantastic like the voc rehab working out so well and some more difficult things ... once we fell asleep we really got some quality sleep .
sleep is a problem for people with d.i.d. many nights the fear of sleep is simply too overwhealming . once asleep the dreams take on a haunting and frightening quality where staying up seems like a really much better plan .because i no longer am in therapy we really need to rely on god even more ...
few years ago kept getting this nagging compulsion about ptsd and how it was the most horriable aspects of trying to sleep . it had been this way our whole life .... at the same time was this driveing need to understand the nature of time too .... a few were researching this ptsd thing others were doing time on the nature of time and then others were dealing with the constant barrage of nightmares like ptsd events when asleep .... this took alot of time and we were takeing turns on the computer for info ... it came down to this
ptsd is past experences that somehow invaded the present through triggers and felt like we were really experenceing this in the present . but that wasn't ralistically possible because time once gone into the past can't enter the present ever again ... time is linear and always moves forward ...
bed time wasn't good mom used to tuck us kids in with a morbid thot and i'm going to kill you in your sleep tonight . obviously she didn't but she started this when we were so young we fully believed one night she'd really do it .... this three hold set of studys at the same time gave us a key answer .... that the ptsd at any point in the day was more like nightmares while awake , because they were past events thus can not really be being experenced ... that time moveing forward gives us a great oppertunity to learn new things and realize that the flashbacks were only very bad memorys and we could learn to control them not them to control us .... and nightmares are real but ... we really began to prey and meditate every night that our father would deliver us from all three issues .... faith walking this .
it took a long time , not because the lord wasn't helping because he was . but our beliefs in these bad things were much stronger than our faith at the start of this . for our whole life it was a nightly battle to fall asleep just to have terrors when sleeping .... as we began to understand better and understand god being more than able to change things we then started to sleep better and not go into the prebed panics ... our dreams began to not all be nightmares and .... now we sleep more peacefully and are not flooded with nightmares ... yes we worked hard on this but ...
it was our lord god who gave us what we needed to begin to believe that he could heal this terror of sleep ... our working to figure things out ended up giveing us skills we could then take and adapt to other things in our life .... one learned lesson leading into another needed thing ....
faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen heb 11:1 the lord has proven this to be truth so often in our life .... so now i'll simply goof off for the rest of the evening .....
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